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    Do I stay or do I go?

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    La Bomba
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    Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by La Bomba on 27/11/2015, 16:46

    Back to visit my mum over Christmas?

    On the face of it, this seems like a no brainer probably. My mum's on her own in the house she and my dad shared. It's her first Christmas without my dad. It's only 7 weeks since he died.

    But. My mum is difficult and cut off and strange. Always has been & always will be. If anything, all of that has got worse with age. My dad dying hasn't changed any of that.

    If I go, I'd take Esteban &_Raúl with me. And it doesn't seem fair on them to sit in silence/be bored/away from their home comforts whilst my mum sits staring out into the middle distance.

    When I was a kid, my mum put the kibosh on many a Christmas with her moods and not talking to anyone so II quite frankly resent making the effort again and again now.

    And yet, there might well be post and house stuff to sort out out. And I think my dad would've appreciated my going to see how she's doing.

    Btw, my brother's left today for travelling around Thailand etc for a few months, so he won't be around. And my mum's brothers and sister have called her but have come to a dead end with her too because of how she is. So I don't think they'll be making any particular effort over Christmas either dunno
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    Jennifer Yellow Hat
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by Jennifer Yellow Hat on 27/11/2015, 16:53

    Any chance she can come to you? If she sits in the corner then at least you can get on with your family Christmas around her!

    The Christmas after my Dad died was just the worst. My Mum insisted me and her went out to Holland as my sister was living there at the time. Why she couldn't come to England I don't know. It was bloody miserable and it was my first Christmas with Mr Hat and I didn't get to see him at all. So I say if you can avoid that sort of thing then do it! It's awful when what you want to do and what you feel you have to do are completely different unhappy
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    La Bomba
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by La Bomba on 27/11/2015, 17:05

    Thanks Jen. That is a good idea. She came to stay in late Oct/early Nov and was so uncomfortable as it wasn't her space & she's very much a creature if habit & routine but I will consider it.

    I'm sorry you had such a rubbish Christmas after your dad died, that must have been bleak hug

    As you say, it's never going to be the easiest of occasions but it's a good plan not to make it any harder for ourselves, I guess!

    My dad was the one who tried to make Christmas nicecfor us. I even remember him telling me when I was an adult, "I've been doing my best to keep your mum sweet so she doesn't lose it over Christmas." What a waste of time shake head
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    Nina
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by Nina on 27/11/2015, 17:21

    hug

    I don't think anyone can tell you what is right here, but I personally wouldn't blame you for not going and just focusing on your family this Christmas. I think you need to go with your gut, but also to try and put your feelings first for once.

    Has your mum indicated that she wants you to come back?

    If her coming to you is an option, then maybe that is the way to go, as Jen suggested.

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    smartiecat
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by smartiecat on 27/11/2015, 18:31

    I was going to suggest her coming to you too. I don't think there is an ideal solution here unfortunately but that sounds the best to me. Such a difficult one though xxx
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    Stru
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by Stru on 30/11/2015, 13:09

    Could you before or after maybe? Have a few days spending time with her, and then be home with your two for Christmas Day itself?
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    adora
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    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Post by adora on 2/12/2015, 23:43

    Only just seen this Bom for some reason. Have you made any decisions? How are you doing in general?

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